realized something just now.. realized that i can’t do shit.. maybe i should just giv up, delete my facebook/give away my phone, all that mess… just be a loner for the rest of my life. seems like thats all im good at.. doubt i could even just sleep with whomever comes along, not like theres anyone willing to be with me anyway..
hm.. flooding… a lot… i wonder if they will close school tomorrow too?? i kindof doubt it, but its good to dream, right?….dreaming… such a ruined activity for me.. i can’t have a “good” dream anymore, because when i DO have a “good” dream, i wake up, and get all upset because i don’t realize its a dream untill i open my eyes. and its always RIGHT BEFORE something amazing happens. amazing things shouldn’t happen… ever…dreams, everyday life…ever. all they do is set us up for heartache.
in a room full of friends i have, why do i still feel alone? i’m sure you’ve heard these words before, but you make me feel at home. you are the muse to my music, you’re the soundtrack to my life but when we are apart, my love, it all seems black and white
Risk my soul, test my life For my bread Spend my time lost in space Am I dead? Let the river flow Through my callused hands And take me from my own The eyes of the damned It makes my stomach turn And it tears my flesh from the bone How we turn a dream to stone And we all die young
stayed home today. why? hell i have no clue. no one woke me up today.. woke up on my own around….9?….idk, maybe. fell asleep at 6:30, so…3 hours… sounds about right..ugh.. the dreams im having better not be a premonition of things to come.. if so, things are deffinitely not gonna go well..
man.. i really need to find out whats wrong. i’m fucking tired of going back and forth like this… its beggining to wear me thin, and i can only imagine what its doing to my friends… one is tired of hearing from me, the other is getting really worried, one….god i hope she isn’t trying to avoid me.. but its inevitable. i drive everyone away. what do i need to change..
I’m better alone now See I’m torn from my mistakes And I stop believing that I could ever make things change How much can I take When I know that it hurts you How long can I wait When I can’t go on like this anymore
good gig last night. lots of fun and singin and shit. the power even went off for a few seconds O_o. but god what a long night. i went to sleep maybe… 4:00. if that early.. SO WHY THE FUCK AM I UP AT 7:30????????? this is so fucking stupid man.. i gotta stop [removed due to better judgement on my part]
its sad that its been so long since ive really been in love, i’m almost scared of it now. so scared that i let it overwhelm me to the point that i act a fool. and when i act a fool, i freak out and think that ive fucked something up between me and the person i love. when i freak out, i get suicidal. and when i’m suicidal, i do stupid shit like this….smdh. why the fuck did i have to do that…